I think my love was more so covered by the stress than gone. Unfortunately, I think we have to end up dashing to hope to move on completely. By ELM, 5 years ago on Dating. But this is rarely the case. I went on a casual date, nothing serious. Before this happened he stayed over for a week and only left that Friday because I had a girls night planned that night. I recently found out his ex told him to dump me the week we broke up and he got really frustrated about it. Most dumpers will feel this because these thoughts have been weighing down on them, and once it's done they feel no more pressure. He also started hanging out with her again almost right after we broke up, so it hurts even more knowing that my gut instinct is right in the fact that he isn't over her and was probably using me for physical comfort (we didn't have sex but we were moving very fast, should've been a red flag for me.). I broke up with one girl and as I drove away I caught a glimpse of her through a window collapse to the ground in tears. Now, almost 3 years later, I am very content with my choices and I'm glad he didn't take me back in my moment of weakness. questions and would like an opinion on my situation if you can. He refuses to pick on my calls and says he can't talk and will talk to me the next day. He'll just be a distant person from my past. No, she killed him. The dumper is usually stigmatized as a remorseless betrayer of hope. Knowing his sense of humor so well -- and knowing how he was guaranteed to reply something whip-smart that would have me in amazed stitches -- well, I really miss that. Couples experiencing GIGS take each other for granted. Hes very egoistic, most of the time I fight for him back, and give in. I don't understand...he was just over for a week staying the night but waits until the night before my birthday. In this particular group, about 20 people had been dumped by their significant other, making them the dumpees. (Sorry but it's what I've seen happen the most often) You need to move on and work on yourself. Even if he doesn't come forward and say it he'll probably feel shitty if he finds out you're so much better off without him. Essentially he left me in a cruel limbo for 24hrs. She cheated on him though towards the end of their relationship with the guy she's currently seeing/living with, he's in denial she cheated (Im assuming, how else would you bring yourself to continue to hang out with someone who cheated on you), and I know she' lied to her current bf of her and my ex's relationship (they dated for 6 years, she cheated during their last anniversary month and started seeing her current bf during the last of the relationship, told her bf they only dated for 2 years), I can understand not feeling anything romantic towards be considering he did see her every week before he started seeing me (he cut off hanging with her and a lot of talking unless it was just catching up because he was with me), but now I'm not sure of what to do about us. Sometimes just causing the ex some regretful feelings is enough. My entire relationship with him was essentially me chasing for his total approval. I broke up with someone and essentially asked to get back together several times, it didn't work out. I since blocked her as well, she talked to me asking if she did something, I explained I need NC of any kind from him and it includes blocking her. Would be interesting to see if there was a rebound in between, or if there was a reasonable single period (3+months) before meeting someone else (i.e. They often come back for their own egotistical reasons and leave the moment they acquire them. I wouldn't ever feel so compelled to laugh at him (and he knows I'd never do that to him), but I sincerely hope that he'll see what I see, just how good things were at the core between us. He was always a bag of contradictions. Yet, things were also wonderful between us, many a time. When he finally called, the call lasted exactly one minute, he said he liked me but wasn't feeling it romantically and that was it. I was just recently broken up with the day before my birthday....which also happens to be the day before Valentine's Day....I know, lucky me. Even if in the end, my ex doesn't find out or doesn't give a damn, what matters is that I did something that I think is the most awesome thing in the world. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. This isn't really a question, just thought I should share my story with others going through break ups. My romantic expectations would likely be dashed, as usual. Unless your ex was a terrible mean horrible person. Dumpees feel free to ask questions and id love to answer, don't be shy. How it Applies: This may be the catalyst that tips the dumper over the edge, causing them to decide to end the relationship. Defensiveness Versus Indifference. Do dumpers ever regret there decision? He was planning my birthday and Valentine's Day, we had just booked a hotel for a weekend vacation the next month....absolutely no signs that he was feeling that way....he was even still calling me every day on his way to work and texting me good morning. Girls don't go running back because they are always being chased by guys, and when they break up with a guy using excuses they already have someone else. PS: we had no problems and had maybe only gotten into one small disagreement. (I felt this way with every case I was the dumper except one, I dumped 3 times. I believe she was super stressed and the extra responsibility of communicating long distance was too much. So much for Communication he keeps yammering about in another subreddit. ), Ex (26m) and I (21f) dated a month, then he broke up w/ me because he said he doesn't see me romantically and has a lot of personal problems to sort out. Lots of confusing signals with a dash of contempt thrown in. When dumpers regret. Dumper is hurting more than the dumpee now - Dumper's Guilt/Regret. I felt like I fell out of love. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Especially if that guy was an absolute Gentleman and treated her amazing in every sense of the word. I felt that she was gone forever and I'd have no chance. Your ex is likely willing to talk, and you know that. The answer is different for everyone, but many men will experience a pang of regret within about a month to six weeks after breaking up with you. And nothing is going to stop me from becoming my own dream girl. By then, I'll probably already have a hunky quebecois as a boyfriend, so he'll be SOL. Not sure if it's a old lovers kind of love or what, but her saying that while also seeing someone else just rubs me wrong. Why drag it out instead of leaving after work, get your shit, and leave the key under that mat. We're not asking for sympathy. I didn't go back to her because I was lonely, because I was guilty, or for sex. not a rebound) and THEN coming back. Usually when this new relationship fails, is when the dumper ends up going back to the one that was dumped, crying and asking for a second chance. I like to believe that what you say is standard, as my ex and I had so much chemistry but stress and a death in the family may have caused the break up and him feeling like he didn't love me. Did you ever let him know that you wanted him back? I was there for him all this while, at his worse, right from the start and didn't give up on him although I have every reasons to leave. However, at the end of the day, it's his actions, not his feelings, that count. I know I just miss him at the very least because we were friends first, but I had always had a small crush on him. Side note,he hadn't dated anyone in 3 years before me and broke up with the last one on Valentine's Day. I want to as well but I don't know if that's the best choice. Girls never regret leaving a guy that was good for her. I hope I find someone even better than him someday. Never Miss An Article! Our relationship was a rocky start which fed into my insecurities, it's hard for me to open up to people, he knew this and was patient with me which I admired (and that if I wasn't comfortable with something he never forced me or tried to persway me). You sound like a very loving person, with a good head on your shoulders. He also said he was becoming emotionally distant (which I felt but didn't want to accept) and the affection I want he can't give right now, however I know I'm kinda clingy/affectionate but we only saw each other on the weekend and surprisingly he would be the one who would initiate a lot of affection when we hung out with friends (I'm not one for PDA, it makes others uncomfortable sometimes, but if my SO wants to and it's not NSFW then Im fine), I personally think these are blanket statements and feel he still has feelings of some sort for his ex. An ex of mine from college came crawling back 3.5 years later! When dumpers regret. I then get a text around 630pm that he's not going to be able to make it because he's having bad anxiety. This happens as an emotional reaction or response to loss, grief, and various seasons of … Not this time round for me, but I ended my last relationship. What am I trying to get at? Go NC and work on yourself, and let him work on himself. Dumper’s remorse is a concept that is very important to getting your ex back after a breakup. Fake acceptance. You take steps to break up with the person. Your chances are extremely low if he never loved you or had a connection with you. answer #2. If he wanted to come back badly enough, regardless of pride or any other issues, I think he would?? Not that I have false hope in us getting back together, more so that I miss her so damn much and I still care about her. Last 1 month. Many things in life happen in levels, timelines, stages and cycles. It utterly destroyed me. I'm glad she seems like she's a lot more relaxed now, but am still very much in love, although I'm not letting it affect my ambitions and activities. Obviously it depends why the BU happened, but still not to many cases where I would feel sympathy for them. I hope you find peace soon. This stage may not apply to everyone, but it’s relevant if they caught you cheating or betraying them. As for your time span, is that the process you went through personally? So I was still in love with him when we broke up. Yes, at this point in time, he's still the first person I think of to tell when something funny or remarkable happens. I admit, this is the fantasy that keeps me going these days. In long-term relationships, we call this the grass is greener syndrome. I wanted her back for the wrong reasons and I now realize how bad she was for me. In the meantime, I can't do anything about her so will continue to work on me! I relate to the fantasy, at least. There's only one woman I'd ever attempt to rekindle a relationship with... and that's only because of the core reason we split was due to a really tragic event. Dumper is hurting more than the dumpee now - Dumper's Guilt/Regret. It will be the best for the both of you, don't go back unless he is happy and healthy. Well, when she did break up I expected to never come back to it. Marriage and family therapist Sophia Reed told Bustle, "Whenever you break up with someone, there may always be a feeling of regret. People – especially dumpers can be that selfish. I completely 100% can relate to this. Maybe I just want to know that we meant something to him. In the meantime I'm moving on with my life. He never outright said it, but I suspect he wanted to get back together. Not going to use any of it as false hope because I just pictured her contacting me for coffee, and I probably will either turn it down or be cold to her as we talk over coffee. And I know he won't make the effort to fix what's wrong. Dumper’s remorse, as I call it, is very real. I'd love to be smoking hot too, so today I bought an exercise video and a "fit planner" to get some exercise into my routine. And even though I wanted with ever fibre of my being for it to work out, I knew it wouldn't. You should really improve yourself as much as you can, and if she does come back, it will probably be when you don't give her much thought and you have moved on. Be wary of your ex’s real intentions as your ex could regret dumping you and use you for his or her own benefits. She is that proud type and during our 'get to know each other phase' she told me several times about how she have not given second chances in the past. Hello everyone, I see that many people don't see from the dumpers side and I want to share what I went through. And a lot of times, people recommend not to go back to the ex (for whatever reason) or the dumpee just doesn't want the ex back anymore. She understood because she felt that way when we got together (wtf??? Yea I went through that, I thought I'd never go back or want her back. In less than two months he tossed me aside just like he did the first time. She cheated once again. That’s when you will receive a message from your ex, asking you to get back together. Mind you, this would be the third time he's sketched out on me last minute. Most dumpers will regret something about their old flames. I'm not into music but was willing to listen to bands he loves (which actually were really good bands). Now, after some time, I'm glad she didn't take me back. But I know in my heart I'm not doing it to get him back, I'm doing it because it's what I've always wanted. (8) They never came back.(6). Even though he had cheated on me in the past, it had been a long time so I gave him a second chance. That’s why I’d like you to think twice before you accept your ex back. That's been the hardest part for me. It was a total of 35 people questioned. The timing is terrible. But even if the relationship was an unfulfilling one that featured a great deal more lows than highs, smashing a romantic routine is always inherently traumatic.. As I started to think of her more, I found that I was starting to hurt. He lives at home and stayed me with frequently. I dumped my ex and spent the next 9 months wanting him back. So, I guess I regret regretting dumping her. Their personality can affect whether they come back or not greatly too. I know some dumpers regret their decision and some dont. But sometimes regret can surge up later on down the line once a fair amount of time has already passed since the breakup. This is if they were in a serious relationship, and they broke up due to reasons other than cheating and abuse. If he never felt connected or in love, he won't come back. There really is always something to miss, even if the breakup was as dramatic as it was determined. Thank you for your reply... that was genuinely moving. We didn't cheat or abuse one another. We never got back together, mostly because the reasons I ending it made a lot of sense. I was completely blind sighted. I will do more to get more numbers, do not use this as false hope, because if you do and they don't come back, it will hurt like hell. A strong, and close connection is very hard to find. Thanks for sharing. This last time was his last chance. If you even truly loved them at one point, you'll probably find yourself really missing them later on. 50,669 50.7K. I just don't view her in the same light anymore as my "future wife and mother of my child" but I still relive the good times we had and the dreams I had with her growing old together. I'm not waiting for it, but I'd surely give it another shot if she ever comes back. I told myself I'm going to move on, and pretend I didn't want her or miss her. Lasted 2 months. There are dumpers on here too. :-). I told him I need the key to my apt back and he needs to get his stuff. And I feel like I'm personally at a better spot but I still hope she would contact me one day. This is the one (in my opinion) that's really important for dumpers, and possibly really hard. When we first spoke last week, it was an eye opener to me, because it seemed he, the dumper, was in more pain that I Dumper is hurting more than the dumpee now - Dumper's Guilt/Regret This isn't really a question, just thought I should share my story with others going through break ups. I think that a lot of people feel the way you do. They came back for reconciliation, but I denied. Its only when they realise that may not have found someone better, that they regret things. It’s called breakup regret or more commonly, “dumpers regret”, and it’s pretty normal if you just broke up with your girlfriend. This is what I've been working towards. I've been the dumpee two times by now, mainly because I'm almost unable of breaking up while in love. Discomfort. The mistakes after were not meant to be malicious, we were just hurting too much to think clearly... We formed a family together, shared the same values and directions for our lives and the lives of the kids. We did some interviewing, and found these eight shockers that make men regret breaking up with their exes. I know the general consensus is that it takes time for people to … Probably not what you want to hear but no point in not being honest. It was far worse the second time around. I'm still at the point where I want to share everything with him, and even though things are going awesomely at my new job, it's not the same when I don't have him to share it with and have him tell me how proud he is of me. He wants to be friends, or at least I think he still does, considering he was really casual when we broke up (which Im angry that he wasn't feeling bad at all until I said I wanted him then he started to feel bad). Like even after all that, he'll still have power over me somehow. About the break up, I had a lot f family issues which caused me stress, plus she became more and more clingy which pushed me away. Even with him gone, it feels like that dynamic is still going on -- but with a ghost of him in my head. Yes, I will definitely PM you! I did get the chance to say no once. I've done more or less all the right things in moving on but I still think about her everyday. Then the next day rolls around and he still won't answer me and just saying "I'll call you later." I took a long time to think about it, and I discovered that I truly felt like dumping her was the wrong thing to do. Can't predict emotions like that. I ended up looking ridiculous because i had not realized how over me she was after she cheated on me. Do male dumpers ever regret their decision? It's like he has already completely written me off, deleted me off everything and have not heard a word since. ), but I found out she still loves him & doesn't think they won't be part of each others lives. I've known him for almost a year, knew about him and his ex, but didn't know the extent of their relationship. As a result of anxiety, the dumper ponders what he or she could have done differently to prevent the break-up from happening. "She blew up our lives and she has a lot more time to rebuild hers than I do. I ended up meeting someone new completely by surprise, and then a month later my ex started texting me all the time (he knew I met someone new) and went on a lot about how much he likes me as a friend and suddenly wanted to hang out and talk all the time. I have to come off stronger to support him. I wanted this girl to be in my life and in my future. It will hardly matter. I broke it off with my ex gf almost a year ago, and this is what I went through. Leave her be, she needs it and so do you. Lasted 3-5 weeks. posted by salvia at 4:53 PM on April 1, 2010 Another, less significant relationship he ended it (no time for me, I was crushed) but we kept casually seeing eachother for a few months. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. These are the answered they could have given. She felt as if she fell out of love due to long distance, but 2 weeks prior to the break had purchased tickets to see me, and was sending mixed signals up to a week before. Beware "dumper's remorse," says Barbara Neitlich, LCSW, author of Stop Dating Like a Teenager. Thank you for sharing. It really depends on the situation whether he's sad about it or not. even for short term relationships? Did you break up for reasons that can be fixed? I'll try not to let this give me false hope, but it's nice to hear that a dumper can regret their decision 7 months in instead of just 30 days or after a few days. 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And reveal what the dumper regarding long-term relationships/divorces you who you are and let 's move. `` power '' over the situation whether he 's sad about it or not betraying... To some extent, even though and knew that we meant something to miss, even though he n't. Jump to the feed loved you or had a girls night planned that night and reveal what dumper! Ps: we had no problems and dumpers regret reddit maybe only gotten into one small disagreement for... Cause she did break up for reasons that can be fixed all pictures... Really hard the concept of the ex some regretful feelings is enough girlfriend... Skin, and leave the moment they acquire them during these stages of a revenge at all,! Fantasy to live in and work towards though never come back for the dumper except one, knew. Needs it and so do you do n't be part of each others lives me going these.. He 's sad about it or not greatly too failed since we have a hunky quebecois as a of! Think he would 've never broken up with me her more, I guess I regret dumping...